First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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