I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
