also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that's an acceptable place to lick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
