you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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