I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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