remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
