The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
love makes seman taste better
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
