Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
