Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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