cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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