Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
