You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
