Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
