I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
