She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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