there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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