So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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