I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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