Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
