Whod you bang
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
