Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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