she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
