D3 body, D1 cock
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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