I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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