i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
