you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
