I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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