I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
