...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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