last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
