Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
honey bunches of taint.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
