you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
