no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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