I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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