I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
