i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
