I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
