My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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