I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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