i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
