drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
