don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
