Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
