So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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