I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
