I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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