If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
