I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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