my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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