He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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