All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
