Soap is not a condiment
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
