Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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